It’s a strange title for a blog post. I know. I couldn’t come up with anything more succinct, catchier or fitting. Although this title truly is a brief summary of today’s post. You see, you may be surprised to learn that the number one question I field from readers has nothing to do with design. Nope, the most asked question has to do with how to build friendships in new places. Kind of strange, huh? Actually, I get a lot of emails asking for advice on all sorts of things related to moving…..I guess the “our fifth house” title with a slash through the word fifth and sixth written in has made me an unofficial moving expert, by default. I mean I’m hardly an expert, but I do have a great deal of experience with moving. And not just moving to a new neighborhood within your town, but moving to new states where you’ve never lived before and know no one other than your spouse. That kind of a move can feel really big and scary. Leaving your support network, your friends and family, to move to a place where you literally know not one single, solitary person can feel really overwhelming. Believe me, I know.
It makes my heart hurt a little bit when I get emails from people who are struggling with loneliness in their new homes. If you think I’ve never felt homesick or lonely after a move, you’re wrong. Those emotions are normal, and you need to let yourself feel them. But, moving can also be a really great opportunity to break out of your shell, meet new people and form lasting friendships. It can be a life giving thing to build community with people in the place where you’ve been planted.
If you tend to be more of an introvert, if you’re not super outgoing, if you tend to be a little shy when meeting new people, I totally get you! But, listen, this is not 3rd grade recess. You are not waiting in a line to be picked to play on someone’s red rover team. You don’t have to be worried or stressed that you are going to get picked last. YOU ARE THE TEAM CAPTAIN now!!!
You are not that awkward middle schooler who is hoping to get invited to sit at the cool people’s lunch table.
You are not waiting for someone to ask you to the homecoming dance.
You’re an adult now. You absolutely do not need to wait for others to invite you out or invite you over to their homes. You, yourself, are perfectly capable and well equipped to send out the invitations. People, even people that already have lots of friends, are always interested in meeting new people. It’s a human nature thing. We are social by nature. So invite your neighbors over to dinner. Invite them to go out to dinner with you. Invite them to go out for pizza. Invite them to join you at a local festival. Invite, invite, invite. What’s the worst that can happen? They say no. Big deal. Keep sending out invitations. It’s a lot like fishing. Eventually, someone will take the bait. 😉
Just because you’re the new kid on the block doesn’t mean you have to wait to be invited.
Breaking bread together is one of the best, simplest, truest ways to build relationships. Y’all, that goes all the way back to biblical times. There is just something special about having a meal with someone. So don’t overthink things. Don’t over-complicate things. You’re home doesn’t have to be perfect or “guest ready” to host guests in your home. In fact, the more real you are, the more real your relationships will end up being. And in the end, isn’t that what we’re all craving anyway? People we can be our true selves with no matter what. I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather build friendships with women that love me in my yoga pants and messy bun, that couldn’t care less if my house is clean so long as I have wine in the refrigerator. 😉 In my opinion, those are the only kinds of girlfriends worth having.
Hospitality isn’t about perfection. It’s about authenticity.
Here’s my favorite super simple crab salad recipe that I love to make when we have guests over for dinner. It’s light yet delicious and pairs well with everything from steak and chicken to pasta.
You can also sub the crab for shrimp and get creative by adding red onion or goat’s cheese crumbles.
Ingredients:
- 2 cups crab meat
- 1 whole avocado cubed
- 2 cups of sliced cherry tomatoes
- 1 cup of diced cucumber
- 1 handful of cilantro chopped
- 3/4 cup of Trader Joe’s Olive Oil with Lemon ( or 1/2 cup olive oil – 1/4 cup fresh lemon juice)
- coarse salt and black pepper to taste
Throw in a bowl and mix! Serve chilled! *It’s definitely tastier with red onion (about 1/4 cup chopped) but my hub doesn’t like onions.
Such a great post!